Life Of A Rock
by Tomo Potter
Summary: A rock along a path at Hogwarts would see many interesting things in it's lifetime. SLASH RLSB DMHP


A/N: Hi again! More oneshottiness, I'm afraid, as I'm still suffering rather horribly from computer issues. This idea came to me last Sunday (not the 15th, the 8th) when my girlfriend and I were walking along a little scenic path, and I decided to write it :D Hope you like!

And hey, did anyone else in NZ see the sun that day? When there were the bushfires? It was BRIGHT RED and scary. I thought it was a supernova at first and I panicked for ages before Hannah calmed me down XD And then I heard where the fire was and panicked some more because I have TONS of family in Victoria (My grandmother is Australian, and has three sisters over there, who all had loads of kids, who all had loads more kids) and it got really really close to some of them - I'm still not actually sure they're all okay :(

Warnings: Swearing, slash, sexual themes, somewhat abstract.

Disclaimer: All characters except Rocky are copyright J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. But Rocky is mine :3

Dedicated: To rocks. You rock! (Hur hur hur, I'm so funny, hur hur.)

Note: The last section of this story is set in Harry's 7th year, which I'm guessing they all went back and did after all the Voldemort stuff was over.

**Life Of A Rock**

"Lily will never accept." James Potter said gloomily, kicking a large rock along the path. The rock was used to this by now; it was large and heavy, but not too heavy, the perfect size for kicking. It was used to this conversation too, James and his friend Sirius tended to come here to moan about their woes often. He listened sympathetically as James continued to rant and kick.

"She's so gorgeous and fucking perfect, and I'm just a dumbarse with no focus. I can't even act like a grownup for five minutes to impress her, I've got to do something dumb and then she's all yelling about how she hates me and I'm a jerk who should just go die or whatever. I'm sick of it."

"Mate, I've heard this before. By tomorrow you'll be exploding her chair into flowers or whatever. Besides, it'd take more than five minutes." Smirked handsome Sirius Black, hands in his pockets, perfect hair blowing dreamily in the wind. The rock wondered what it was like to have perfect hair that blew dreamily in the wind. Or just hair in general.

James stopped walking and kicking, sitting down at the base of a tree. "I mean it this time though. I'm thinking of giving up. It's just..... I'm pathetic now."

Sirius shrugged, sitting next to him, one of his feet resting gently on the rock. "It's part of who you are though. You've spent seven years trying to get her, mate. You gonna give up now, just because you're feeling a little down?"

"I... dunno. I just can't talk about this right now, yeah? What about you, any birds caught your fancy lately?"

Sirius took a deep breath, and the rock wondered what this was all about. Sirius clearly had something on his mind. "Actually James... I've had something on my mind for awhile, and I wanted to talk to you about it, because frankly, every time I think about it myself I just get scared and try to do something else to distract myself."

"What is it? Has the infamous playboy Sirius Black actually... horror of horrors... fallen in love?"

"Yeah." Sirius said softly, and James gasped. "I think I have."

"Woah. Sirius, mate... I was joking. You serious?"

"Deadly." Sirius nodded. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. It's... it's who I've fallen in love with."

"Who?" James said softly, too shocked to offer some witty rebuke.

"Promise not to freak out." Sirius said shakily, and James nodded. "It's... I... I'm in love with Remus."

"Oh." James breathed, and then fell still. After a long time, he spoke again, louder. "Oh."

"Yeah." Sirius nodded. "That was my reaction, only it was rather more violent."

"You... you're serious?"

"Absolutely. I'm... I'm gay. And I'm in love with Remus... I think I have been for years now, I just never realised it. I just looked up one day, and he was eating a sandwich, and I realised that he... he was so beautiful. He _is_ so beautiful. And I fell for him, just like that."

"Do... do you think he is... too?" James said, apparently dealing with the information internally. The rock wondered if it was gay. Then it wondered if rocks had genders. It decided not.

"I don't know, but I... I want to find out. I _have_ to find out. I can't live all my life with this secret love, and never know if there was even the slightest chance he might feel the same. It... it's torture."

James nodded. "I get you."

"But I have no idea how to find out. I mean, you don't just randomly go up to your mates and go; 'Hey, Moony, can I borrow your transfig notes? By the way, do you find men attractive, and if so, do you find _me_ attractive?' It just doesn't work. I have no idea what I'm gonna do."

James shrugged. "You could just ask him casually. Find a way to slip the gay question into conversation."

Sirius looked at him. "_You_ think of a way then."

James was silent for a moment. "Fair enough." He amended. "I dunno... you could just go all-in and snog him."

Sirius stared at him. "And how exactly would I explain that away if he pushes me off?"

"Say.... say I dared you." James said. "Tell him I said I'd buy you a butterbeer if you did it, 'cause you were skint."

Sirius frowned, considering this option. "I... maybe I'll do that. Yeah. Cheers, mate." He grinned glowingly, leaping to his feet and pulling James up. "Oh, and James?"

"Yeah?" James smiled, and the rock barely heard the end of his sentence as the two continued on their way to Hogsmeade.

"Thanks. For not freaking out."

000

"Just here. It's picnic time!" Sirius grinned, flopping down on the grass next to the rock.

Remus Lupin laughed, sitting down next to him. "I'd hardly call it a picnic. Three sandwiches and two bottles of butterbeer. Why were you so intent on this anyway?"

Sirius shrugged. "I've... I've realised some things. I talked them over with James, but I decided just telling you sounded like a better option than what he suggested."

"What've you realised?" Remus asked, opening his butterbeer and taking a swig.

"I've been doing some... some thinking. And I realised that I'm not... I mean... I am... I'm gay."

Remus pulled the top of the butterbeer bottle out of his mouth with a quiet pop noise. "Oh."

Sirius laughed. "That's exactly what James said. Only see, the thing is... I've also realised..." Sirius took a deep breath. "I rather... rather fancy you, actually."

"Oh." Remus said again, and the rock wondered what it was like to have someone fancy you. It imagined it must be rather nice, since people who walked past were always talking about it, especially girls, and sometimes it saw people who had realised they fancied each other, arms linked, happy as anything. It wondered why Remus looked so stunned, when it would generally think he would be on top of the world.

"I know... I know you probably don't feel the same. I just... I had to tell you." Sirius sighed.

"I..." Remus began, then stopped, clearly trying to find the right words. In the end he just gave up, pressing his lips to Sirius's, Sirius jumping slightly in shock, then relaxing happily into the kiss, his hand resting lightly on Remus's side.

The rock wondered what it was like to kiss. People seemed to make a big deal out of it, but it was just two body parts touching really, the same as holding hands, or even bumping briefly into someone as you passed them. Nothing special at all. They certainly seemed to be enjoying it though, Sirius lying down on the grass, pulling Remus in to lie on him. After awhile, their hands started wandering along limbs, and up shirts. The rock got rather bored, wondering what the big deal was about all this snogging business anyway. These two certainly seemed very very into i-oh my. The rock wished it could at least blush, if not turn away, when it saw one of Remus's hands sliding down Sirius's pants. Right then. Did not need to be seeing this. And right out in public too! Anyone could see them! Maybe not Sirius, but the rock had certainly expected more of Remus. Neither of the boys seemed to care very much though, carrying on with their... activities. The rock wished it could whistle, or twiddle it's thumbs, as this was certainly more than it wanted to see. It was almost relived when one of Sirius's legs flew it's way, kicking it hard, so that it flew through the trees, landing in a small, undisturbed clearing. Aaaaah. Some peace at last.

000

"You're fucking DEAD, Malfoy!" Came a yell, and a body came crashing into the rock, knocking it back into attention. For years all that had happened around it was the grass growing and bugs creeping, so it had sort of spaced out, but it all came back the moment this person collided with it. At last, something interesting happening! The boy got up, wiping blood from his face, and the rock saw through the hole he had made in the grass growing over it that he was quite pretty, for a human, with short blond hair and pale skin. He glared through the trees, and then another boy came thundering through them.

_'Am I dreaming?' _Thought the rock, marvelling at this exact clone of James Potter that was now advancing on Malfoy, who it assumed must be the pale boy. He had the exact same hair and facial features, though he was shorter and much skinnier, his lips were slightly poutier, there was a scar on his forehead, and his eyes were a bright green the rock recognised from Lily Evans, James Potter's long time obsession. Guess he got the girl after all.

"You bastard, Potter." Spat Malfoy, droplets of blood flying from his mouth. "Stay the fuck away from me or-"

"Or what? You'll tell your father on me? Boo hoo, Malfoy. Nobody cares about your father anymore. The only reason he wasn't arrested after I killed Voldemort was that I told the ministry your mother had helped me out. There's no use in telling daddy anymore, because nobody cares."

"You BASTARD!" Malfoy yelled, pushing Potter against a tree. "My father is a good man! You've got no FUCKING right!"

"Oh yes, a bloody good man, who also happens to be a murderer and a coward. Your father isn't worth SHIT, Malfoy, and neither are you!"

Malfoy's rage seemed to have evolved beyond words, and he let out an unintelligible howl, smashing Potter into the tree again, even harder. A trickle of blood flowed from Potter's lip, and he grinned madly, Malfoy snarling angrily at him, faces mere centimetres away from each other. They paused there, panting heavily, for an immeasurable amount of time - it could have been seconds or minutes, or possibly even hours - then they pressed their lips together harshly, an angry kiss, with lots of biting. If the rock could have groaned, it would. Oh god... not this again.

A/N: If rocks could talk, oh the stories they would tell. Hee hee hee.


End file.
